After the Cat
by i'mnotcrazy82
Summary: Just a little one-shot inspired by the episode Here Kitty. Originally written after that originally aired. Just some humor NO SHIPS!


_**A/N**_

_**As some of you know I do most of my posting on the fox forums site (under the same screenname, if you're interested), and I've not posted all my works here. So, I'm trying to remedy that...**_

_**This is one of the first fan fics I ever wrote. It's pretty rough around the edges. I was inspired after the last scene in "Here Kitty". Kutner was one of my favorite characters.**_

_**Anyway, hope you all enjoy it.**_

After the "Cat"

When Kutner walked into the office, it was a little after 10 am. House wasn't there yet, and he breathed a small sigh of relief. He knew that he'd probably went a little too far with the prank last night, but House really deserved it this time. He walked into the conference room, a smug grin on his face. The other fellows were already there, but they were engrossed in conversation, and they didn't hear him walk in.

He dropped his book bag beside his usual seat, and sat down, grabbing a doughnut from the basket on the table. Thirteen looked up at him, a look of a mixture of horror and admiration forming on her face. He felt his grin grow even wider. He bit into the doughnut, then dug a magazine out of his bag.

Foreman looked up at him and shook his head. "She told me what you did. I'm amazed you're still breathing."

Taub looked confused. "What? What happened?" He frowned at the other fellows.

Thirteen just shook her head. "That was disgusting and creepy. What possessed you to do that?"

"Do what?" Taub was trying to figure out what they were talking about.

Kutner chuckled, "remember, guys, it wasn't me, it was the "cat." He drew quote marks in the air as he said the word cat, causing Thirteen to groan and put her head down on the table.

Foreman rolled his eyes. "She's right. That was disgusting and creepy. As soon as he finds out it was you, you're a dead man."

"He's not going to find out," Kutner smirked. "I sprayed ammonia on the chair afterwords, so it smelled like cat pee." He was rather proud of himself. "Besides, he's making me pay for getting it professionally cleaned anyway," he shrugged.

"Wait," Taub narrowed his eyes as the pieces fell into place. "You did not!" he gasped.

Thirteen nodded her head, her expression pained. "Yeah, he did it."

"You are dead." Taub extended his hand. "It was nice knowing you."

Foreman chuckled. "We'll make sure you get a nice funeral."

"With a gravestone engraved with "He had blls, until House took them away." Thirteen put in.

Moments later, House threw open the door to the room. He glared at his underlings. "You all have Clinic duty. Cuddy's punishment for the whole cat case." He was balancing two styrofoam cups of coffee in his free hand, while the hand that held his cane was holding the door open. He then let the door slam shut before limping into his own office.

He set the coffee cups down carefully on his desk, then he tossed his bag down beside his desk. He took off his coat, all while watching his fellows preparing to leave. Before they could all exit the door, he once again stepped into the conference room. "Kutner!" he barked. "My office. Now!" He didn't wait for an answer, and he let the door shut behind him.

The smug grin that Kutner had on his face quickly faded into something that resembled horror. Foreman and Taub chuckled as they left, each patting him on the back. Thirteen rose on her tip-toes to whisper in his ear, "We'll miss you, for a little while anyway." He blanched, and she walked away with an enigmatic grin on her face.

Kutner swallowed his pride, and entered the office. House was sitting at his desk, typing on the computer. He absently waved at the coffee cups. "No hard feelings?" House never lifted his eyes from the computer screen.

Kutner frowned, trying to figure out what game House was playing. "Are you back on methadone?" He folded his arms across his chest, and stared at his boss.

"NO!" House bellowed, exasperated. "Why does everyone think that there's some sort of hidden motive behind all my actions! Just drink the dmn coffee, and be happy that you got one good deed out of me!" In a quieter voice, he said, "I kinda felt bad for spitting cranberry juice on you. Now, will you drink the dmn coffee before it gets cold!"

"We think you always have an ulterior motive because you do. I don't buy that you feel bad about spitting on me. You don't feel guilty about anything." Kutner drew in a deep breath, waiting for the rant that he was pretty sure was coming.

"Well, then come up with what ever excuse that will make you sleep better at night then!" House shut down the computer and grabbed the coffee cups. "If I had known you were going to be ungrateful, I wouldn't have offered them to you in the first place! I'm sure Wilson will be happy for free coffee from me! It will completely destroy his world view, and cause him to believe that pigs can actually fly!" He began to limp toward the door.

Kutner sighed. P!ssing off his boss had actually not been on his to-do list for the day. "House, wait. Sorry, I just thought..."

"Thinking is your problem," House narrowed his eyes at him. He watched as Kutner grabbed the top cup, carefully keeping his emotions concealed. He knew how to push the young doctor's buttons. He didn't say a word while they drank the coffee.

After Kutner had finished, he began to head out the door to join the others in the Clinic. "Oh, Kutner, before you go," House was grinning evilly, "I know the difference between cat pee and human pee." He tilted his head slightly to one side, smiling as he watched Kutner's face fall. "Do you know when your creamer isn't creamer?" he asked innocently, or as innocent as he could be. "You'll never be up to the level of my mad skillz." He left the office, humming Alice Cooper's "No More Mister Nice Guy."

Kutner looked at his empty cup, completely horrified. He looked back up at the retreating figure of his boss, his mind going through all sorts of disgusting scenarios. Then, a ghost of a grin began to form on his face. He tossed the cup in a trash can, and he left the room. He walked toward the elevator, already plotting his revenge.

[The End]


End file.
